As requested I translated my blog of July 6. into English, enjoy!!
"Should you go through with that?!" It is my mother's voice. We have fought a lot over this. I then blamed her for always being so negative, whenever I tell her about new plans or activities. That she throws up roadblocks immediately, instead of being happy for me or to share my enthusiasm. In fact I was angry with myself: "Why do I let my enthusiasm be restrained by her words and myself be knocked out of balance so easily?!"
I am no stranger to fear. In my life I often chose to avoid certain things, broke up relationships because I was afraid to make the connection and with that I let wonderful people walk out of my life. I continued doing a kind of work for too long, that is however safe but not what I am passionate about. As a result it costs me more energy than the satisfaction it brings and my development as a entrepreneur remained standing. Back in 1997, when I organized a nice party with some friends, their feedback sounded: "For every scenario you come up with a disaster recovery plan twice the size!"
"Should you go through with that?!" You are the product of your upbringing. And of your experiences. My mother's voice had become my inner critic. In the back of my head. I do see every roadblock. Even the ones hidden from view. "Yes but, what if...?!" I suffered a great deal from that and others with me.
The Emotive process therapy has brought a lot of good on the matter with it: with regard to processing my traumatic experiences and the letting go of filters and convictions, that caused me to have a narrowed perception of reality.
After the process therapy I am facing the challenge of 'breaking the habittical patterns': etched in behaviour, that is very familiar but also no longer functional for quite some time. And the challenge of "practising with new behaviour": things that I was not able to do before, that are still out of my comfort zone and therefore causing me a lot of stress. But they are also the things that I really want to do and eventually will do, because they suit me being who I am and contribute to manifesting myself ánd my dreams!
I am more and more finding out that fear actually does not suit me: usually my glass is half full and otherwise it can be topped up. Last June I threw another party with the same friends. This time the organization progressed very relaxed. I did not see any roadblocks, but I did enjoy carrying out plans and with a fantastic result.
Last week my employer and I agreed upon cutting down my workings hours by September 1. at my request and thus turning in a quarter of my salary. One of my colleagues attentively asks: "Oh, is your practice already running that well?!" What I hear is: "Should you go through with that?!" Damn: how it thrills me to give up a part of this certainty!
It is a conscious choice to now take action. In this case to create space first, so I get to preserve time and above all energy to furtherly develop my practice. In order that more customers come in and that I can compensate my salary with revenue. And meanwhile be engaged with what I really like to do!
Last Friday I gave myself a business coach for 3 months as a birthday present, following a webinar I attended that morning. Afterwards I lay awake for 2 nights, wondering why on earth do I spent so much money on an impulse. While my head once again repeats: "Should you go through with that?!", I come to the conclusion that my doing is mainly based on a good feeling.
This coach, Ninke van der Leck, and what she hands me in and around her program fits me like a glove. I commenced less than a week ago and this already gave me 2 new business ideas. And a substantial quantity of enthusiasm! I am being challenged to think in possibilities. And especially to think big! I am feeling highly motivated and full of energy. "Growth = living!"
"Should you go through with that?!"